Sunday, January 6, 2013

In my head...

I'm a bit anxious today.  Today is the day I leave for Philadelphia for my ketamine treatments.  I will enter the hospital tomorrow afternoon.  I still don't know how long I'll be in the hospital or how many days of infusions I'll be having.  I think the unknown contributes to my anxiety.  I have done some more research on people's experiences with ketamine, and found many, many positive ones.  Ketamine seems to be used most often for a condition called RSD, and gets good results with that condition, but when it's used for migraines too, people usually have some relief, even if it is short-lived.  Short-lived might mean weeks and it might mean months, depending on the person.  Still though, imagine--MONTHS with NO MIGRAINE!  Then I could do it again perhaps.  People get boosters of ketamine after their initial infusions sometimes, and those don't always have to be inpatient, or maybe the at home nasal spray would give me some relief....  My mind wanders to a million possibilities.

OR, of course, this could be another in a long list of things I just don't respond to.  There's always that.

Managing expectations when you have a chronic condition is very important I have found.  Especially when you have Depression (capital D) and a chronic pain condition.  I once got my hopes up for every new medication, every new treatment, every new therapy that was suggested.  I quickly found that the letdown when they didn't work was devastating, and was almost more than I could handle.  So, my therapist and I quickly learned about managing expectations and cautious optimism.  I travel to Philadelphia today, and will enter the hospital tomorrow, cautiously optimistic.  I'm still anxious as hell because of all the unknowns and because my last hospital stay wasn't as smooth as it could have been.  But also cautiously optimistic.

I'll post as I can when this treatment is underway or over. Wish me luck!

No comments:

Post a Comment