Tuesday, January 1, 2013

What's next for me

So, sorry it's been awhile since I've posted.  I thought I'd take a break from the Fiscal Cliff Drama I've been watching all day and catch you up on the next big thing in migraine land for Julie.  In a little less than a week,  I'll be making the trek back up to Philadelphia for a short stay in the hospital for a Ketamine IV infusion.  Yes, I'll be in the K hole for any of you old ravers out there.  Actually, they give it in smaller doses, is my understanding, so I won't have the psychedelic-spaced-out-raving effects, but I've been told I will be in a somewhat dissociative state, or well, high.  Should be entertaining for my husband to watch.

The thinking behind using Ketamine for migraine treatment is that it does something to reset pain pathways in the brain.  I don't know how that works and I am not even going to try to go into the science of it.  Feel free to Google "Ketamine and Migraine" and plenty of information comes up though.  Do me a favor and stick to the scientific articles or people with actual experience using it with their doctor and not the random blogs with people speculating based on the time they used Ketamine at a rave in the 90's.  If Ketamine works for me in the hospital, I will come home with it in nasal spray form, so there is a modality and use for it long term.  I don't know anything about how the home use will work though.

I wish I could say I feel 100% confident about this treatment, but I'm nervous as hell about it. I have 100% confidence in the doctor who recommended this treatment.  There is no problem there.  I have been wavering back and forth between anxiety and excitement for the past few days.  I read some personal experiences where people had tremendous success with Ketamine infusions for up to four weeks at a time.  This is incredibly encouraging news!  I can't imagine feeling good for four whole weeks.  Then having the opportunity to use the home treatments and see what kind of results I could get from those?  That sounds very encouraging. So after about a five day period of freaking out, I have been very excited about the opportunity. But the freak out was rough and a small amount of that remains.  See, I have done IV infusions like this before and not responded as I was supposed to and it has been kind of torturous.  Now, maybe this is silly or just me being a wimp, but I'd rather avoid torturous situations if I have the opportunity.  So that makes me nervous.  This could be nothing like my previous experience.  I could go in, respond just as I am supposed to, Ketamine could be my miracle drug, and all be right with the world finally.  But, I could go in, hallucinate for days, have migraines that we can't treat because I can't take drugs that stray from the protocol I'm supposed to be on, and be miserable.  (That's what happened with the last IV infusion.  I hallucinated, it triggered migraines that we couldn't treat.  I couldn't sleep because of the hallucinations and pain.  It caused dizziness too on top of the migraine pain and all the pain was exacerbated by all of the other things going on.  It was misery.)

All of this may just be me borrowing worry.  After all, I have to do this.  I HAVE TO DO THIS. I trust my doctor.  I have to try everything to treat these damn migraines that have plagued me almost daily for the past 13 years. I don't really have a choice.  And, like I said, this could be it.  It could be the miracle drug that works wonders for me.  I have nothing to lose except a week or so of life that could really suck and then be done.  I can do that.  I can do that.  I CAN DO THAT.  Right?

Ahhh.  To just be well and not have to bother with this stuff.  Why didn't Santa leave a big box of THAT under my tree?

1 comment:

  1. (((((Julie))))) Please let me know when this is happening and how it goes. You're right. I really think you need to look at how this could change your life, realizing that anything for the better will be wonderful. We have to go thru so many of these processes, we'd be crazy not to get scared at some of them.

    I'm wondering... can they give you something that will relax you if it gets to be too much for you?

    Let me know if you want to talk to someone who has been through this. She had really good results. Not so much with the care at home, but at least she knows one thing that is helpful she didn't know about before.