Saturday, June 29, 2013

Migraine Awareness Month #29: Living with Chronic Migraine

       The prompt for today is one word: Misfits.  If we live with Chronic Migraine we are supposed to incorporate it into today's post.

Bless your hearts.  I feel like all I've done this month is blog about my chronic migraines. It's difficult to talk about Migraine all the time and not at some point feel like a whiner.  I hope I've done more educating than whining, but if it has come across has whining, I do apologize.

So, what can I tell you about Chronic Migraines that hasn't already been said?  The definition of Chronic Migraine is migraines on 15 or more days per month.  When you have Migraine on 15 days per month, it's pretty hard to feel like that's a good thing or your lucky to "just" have them on 15 days per month. However, now that my Migraines are truly daily, I would kill to go back to "just" 15 days per month.  

The progression to daily didn't happen all at once.  I started having migraines more often, maybe 20 days per month, and thought, "oh, no! Something bad is happening here!"   So I consulted with my doctor, we tweaked some things, and I came home feeling optimistic. Then, slowly but surely, I started having migraines more days per month. Before you know it, I was having them daily... That's when the despair and depression set in. 

As if dealing with chronic daily migraines wasn't bad enough, I always make sure to  add depression to the mix whenever things get rough.  It's not as if I have a choice. Despair just overwhelms me and I feel as though Migraines will dictate my life forever.  It's a suffocating feeling and I try, I try so hard to fight it but sometimes I just can't.  When I give into it I feel as though its stolen all my air and I just can't breathe.  

I never thought I'd be jealous of someone who has migraine pain 15 days per month, but I am.  I'm not a jealous person. Period.  But I'm always jealous of other people's health.  I hate that about myself.  Just one more thing this disease does to me that I hate.  

I'm so blessed to have the friends that I do, and you all know who you are.  I want to name names, but I'd surely leave someone out, so I'll just say from the friends I've had since I was a little girl to the "newer" friends I've made in the past few years in politics, and all those in between, I love you all.  You are amazing for being so understanding and flexible and just rolling with whatever I throw at you because of migraines.  You all inspire me and make me want to be a better person and friend.  

Chronic daily migraines take so much out of me and so much from me.  But they've not taken the love I feel surrounded by, and they've not taken my ability to fight them with the help of my family, friends, and wonderful doctors.  As long as I have all that, I think I can survive.  

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