Thursday, October 4, 2018

The potential of a Kavanaugh Confirmation

I have pondered writing this for some time. As writing is therapeutic for me, and I think today of all days women need therapy and solidarity,  I decided today, I would write it.

This potential SCOTUS appointment has opened so many wounds for so many people.  I don't want to bore you, shock you, or whatever with every single event that's happened to me to make me feel dirty, less than, or endangered, but I do want to tell you what I think is the worst event.  

The worst event that happened to me, a boss masturbating in front of me, happened years ago.  I don't know the month, I don't remember why I was in his office, and I don't remember many details.  If I were back in that workplace, I doubt I could even remember where his office was.  But I remember the look on his face and his hand, moving back and forth.  And remembering THAT is enough to make me nauseated all over again. 

I remember hiding from people the rest of the day, I remember thinking my husband or brother would kill him if they knew or they would not let me go back to work, and we needed the money.  I remember thinking, this is the HR manager doing this.  Who do I even report it to?  How would I prove it?  I had just started working there, why would people believe me over him? 

There are more reasons than you can imagine why a woman does not report things like this.  Often, unless you are actually raped with some evidence, women haven't even been taught to be certain what assault or harrassment is. 

Men and parents have such a huge part to play here.  If you aren't teaching your sons about consent and protecting their reputations the way you are your daughters, you are doing us all a disservice. 

I developed early and like to wear trendy clothes.  Sometimes they show my figure. I have typically been small and have some curves. None of this means that anyone has the right to my body, or that my body is a threat to a man's self-control.  A man's impulses should not threaten me at all, in a perfect world. I can control my impulses, as should everyone else in the world.

I grew up in a "purity" church, but there was a double-standard. Those people at that "purity" church probably think Kavanaugh is a-ok, because of a few key issues.  I promise you, if you ever gave a rat's patootie about me and all those young girls like me in church then and now, HE IS NOT OK.  This has brought more pain to more women than you can imagine.  There are tons of other judges who will rule as you want them to, without these allegations against them and who would not have a total meltdown in front of Congress.  Judges who would beg for an investigation to clear their name.  Judges who could not have friends come out and say they've lied.

I have a friend who won't even kiss a girl without getting permission first.  I used to think that was kind of funny, now I respect that so much.  All people could learn from that.  A simple, "is this ok?" Or even. "I'd like to kiss you...." would not ruin the moment but would matter so much. 

So what do we do now?  Call your Senators. Especially if you voted for them, but even if you didn't, call them. Tell them you voted for them (if you did) and how disappointed you'd be if they voted to confirm Kavanaugh.  Tell them to demand better for our highest court, the only lifetime appointment I'm aware of.  Call (202) 224-3121 to be connected to your Senator. 

As I said, there are a myriad of reasons women don't report.  Even if your father becomes President, you may keep quiet.  Read Ronald Reagan's daughter, Patti's story, here.

Republicans, ask yourself how you would feel if Donald Trump and Republicans treated Reagan's daughter the way they've treated Dr. Christine Blasey Ford. 

Not believing is one thing, but mockery is so disrespectful and childish.  We deserve better, all around.